How is this for irony? Even after over a quarter of a century in a concrete cage condemned to death, I still find myself looking out that dusty window and beyond the razor-wired recreation yard and the fences beyond that, to that faraway distant world- the real world. When I stand at the front of my cell, I can see a road with cars and trucks passing by and I wonder where each might be going. Sometimes I even wonder what if I was in that vehicle, where would I want to go at that particular moment.
Lately I have been thinking a lot more about freedom than I have in many years as now I am once again confronted with the very real possibility that within a matter of months I could once again be “free”. After so many years of fighting against a completely corrupt judicial system (please check out my case on
www.southerninjustice.com )and trying to prove my innocence, my capital case has finally been heard by the Florida Supreme Court on November 4, 2009. Typically it takes from 3 to 6 months, maybe less, for the court to issue an opinion- either granting or denying relief.
Although I am not a lawyer, I have been forced to play one in here as I fight for my own survival. I am familiar enough with the law to know that my pending appeal is exceptionally strong and that it is more probable than merely possible that the court will finally throw out the capital convictions that have condemned me to death. Collectively this appeal substantiates what I have adamantly argued for over 20 years that an overzealous, politically ambitious but completely unethical and immoral prosecutor (please read “
Anatomy of a corrupt prosecutor”) had deliberately collaborated with their sole “key witness” to deliberately fabricate wholly circumstantial theory of premeditated murder, with the intent to wrongfully convict and condemn me to death. (The appeal briefs are available online at
www.southerninjustice.com/hearing-briefs )
My claim of innocence has been repeatedly argued before the courts for years, yet each time the courts have disingenuously side-stepped addressing the issue, conveniently finding cause to “procedurally bar” my claim or simply just ignoring it altogether. Sometimes I smile when someone will ask me why only now my innocence is an issue – why wasn’t it raised before? But I understand their ignorance as most people out there do not give any thought about just how completely corrupt our judicial process is- and they just do not know that it is actually only too common for the politically corrupted courts to just ignore a claim of innocence. When it comes down to it, our courts would rather put the innocent to death than risk the political backlash of seeming to be too ‘liberal” by admitting that the legal system made a mistake.
But what if the Florida Supreme Court does rule in my favor in just a few months? Whether they only order a new trial, or order my immediate release, I would still suddenly be facing the almost certain reality of walking out a free man after spending the past 26 years in a solitary concrete crypt condemned to death. There is just no way that the state of Florida can take my case back to a new trial as the evidence now shows beyond any reasonable doubt that they did fabricate the entire case of alleged premeditated murder. Whether they like it or not, the state would have to drop all charges and release me.
In just a few months I will be 50 years old. I was only 22 years old when they arrested me on these fabricated charges and threw me down into the very bowels of a hell few could even begin to imagine (please read “
Bowels of the beast”) All 3 of my kids are now adults and I have numerous grandchildren. That whole world out there has moved on without me and it has become a completely different world, one in which people now communicate on “cell phones” and get money from “ATM’s” and listen to music on mp3 players, or I-pods, and virtually every element of the life I once had has now been changed completely by this “electronic age” as when I left that real world none of these things existed.
For me, it will be like awakening from a long coma and realizing that everyone I once knew has grown old and become a stranger, although I have a large family through the many years they have drifted away and become strangers. My kids have grown now and I have grandchildren I have never seen or met.
It is actually not that uncommon for death row prisoners to win an appeal and walk out a free man. On average, it happens about once a year. When you live in a relatively small community of less than 400 even the release of one person gives the rest of us hope. Each time one of us walks out that front gate a free man, everyone else here can not help but wonder what they would do if it was them.
A few years ago a guy on my floor had his turn. The court had already ruled in his favor and he was not sure if they would send him back down to the country jail to stand trial again, or the state would drop charges. Just after Christmas that year they came to his cell and told him that the captain wanted to see him up front. He was then told that the state decided not to pursue a retrial and he was to be released that day. Then he had to go back to his cell and pack up his property. But like many others here, he did not even have a pair of shoes to wear when he walked out. I gave him my own shoes, and he went from cell to cell saying goodbye to those he had lived among for 16 years. And we were all glad to see him go- each of us wishing we were in his shoes, too.
If they came to my cell today and told me that the court granted my appeal and ordered my release, I would not even have clothes to wear. The state gives prisoners a pair of pants and a shirt when they are released, so I would have to wear whatever they gave me…and my own shoes. The prison also gives each prisoner 200 dollars upon release - but only to those who are released after expiration of their sentence. Those who are released because the court threw out their conviction are technically not entitled to that money and so I would get nothing. Like others who were suddenly released I would have to phone a friend to come and pick me up and just hope that someone would. Otherwise, I would just walk out to the nearby state highway and start walking in no particular direction as long as it took me away from this prison. But where would I go?
A friend recently asked me what I would do if I suddenly found myself free. The truth is that I really don’t know. That is the paradox of it – after having the court deny so many appeals in the past I am almost afraid to think that far ahead. In a way it seems like I might be jinxing myself if I make any definite plans.
I am actually blessed with a small group of genuine friends who would want to help me in the small way they might be able to. But they all live either out of the state, or out of the country. My mom lives here in Florida, but their health is not good and more often than not they are no longer able to even visit anymore. The last thing I would want to do is impose upon them, even though they would welcome me “home” with open arms.
But how does a man walk back into a world he no longer knows, and start over at 50 years old with nothing – not even the shirt on his back? After living in a solitary concrete cage for over 26 years, with virtually every element of your life micromanaged by your captors, how do you just step out across that thresh hold back into a world you no longer know? Sometimes I wonder whether after so many years in solitary confinement I would ever be able to be “comfortable” in the real world where people are all around me.
I think my thought and worries are reasonable. If and when that front gate opens and I do walk back into that free world, then I will adapt as that’s just human nature. Many, many years ago as a much younger man I walked into this world when they condemned me to death and although at the time it seemed impossible, I did learn to adapt to this environment and survive in spite of it. And although I do worry about what might lie beyond that front gate, if I were to walk back into that world beyond it, although I don’t know how I will adapt, I know that I will.
When it comes down to it, freedom is just another word and it is really all just a state of mind. Like this man-made hell I once walked into, if my freedom does come in the next few months, then I will walk out into that world I once knew and once again, it will come one step at a time.
Mike Lambrix
