Breaking news: Michael Lambrix was killed by the State of Florida on October 5, 2017.
Read more:
http://deathrowjournals.blogspot.com/



Michael Lambrix #482053
Florida State Prison
PO Box 800
Raiford FL 32083


For more information on Mike's case visit:





Contact Gov. Scott and ask him to suspend Mike's and ALL executions.
Phone: (850) 488-7146
Email: Rick.scott@eog.myforida.com - See more at: http://doinglifeondeathrow.blogspot.gr/#sthash.Cw0Zh7Sh.dpuf

recanted and the other gave inconsistent statements to police. Read more http://www.save-innocents.com/save-michael-lambrix.html

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Clemency denied and execution date set for Mike Lambrix!!







Michael Lambrix #482053
Florida State Prison
7819 NW 228th street
Raiford Florida 32026-1000


Gov. Scott has already broken the record for most executions by a Florida governor!


Contact Gov. Scott and ask him to suspend Mike's and ALL executions.
Phone: (850) 488-7146
Email: Rick.scott@eog.myforida.com
- See more at: http://doinglifeondeathrow.blogspot.gr/#sthash.Cw0Zh7Sh.dpuf

Contact Gov. Scott and ask him to suspend Mike's and ALL executions.
Phone: (850) 488-7146
Email: Rick.scott@eog.myforida.com - See more at: http://doinglifeondeathrow.blogspot.gr/#sthash.Cw0Zh7Sh.dpuf

Friday, 11 December 2009

Thanksgiving with Henry

Thanksgiving is the traditional American Holiday, the one day of the year when family and friends gather around the table with a feast laid out in abundance and give thanks for the blessings that have been and might yet be endowed upon us. Up until just a few years ago the prison system would recognize Thanksgiving with a special holiday meal of real turkey and all the trimmings, as well as various tasty deserts and we would all look forward to that one meal a year. Weeks and even months ahead of time we would make deals with each other to trade a favorite food such as maybe trade the turkey to someone for their pumpkin pie. Everybody had their favorite food, for me it was the turkey more than anything else. 

                                           


But in recent years they’ve all but eliminated the traditional Thanksgiving dinner for prisoners. We haven’t seen real turkey in many years now. The prison system will tell you that they still serve us a “holiday meal” but it’s not like it was before and what they do serve now isn’t worth writing home about.

For this reason many of us will plan ahead and make our own holiday feast by saving up what few extra dollars we can and buy foods off the canteen. Both as a means of communion with those we live among, who have become our surrogate family, and to share costs of the purchases. Many of us will plan ahead with our cell neighbors as e must order the necessary items at least a week ahead of the time on order to get them on time.

This year me and Henry decided we would eat good. Henry’s been my cell neighbor for a few years now, and was my neighbor on another wing before that. But for awhile now Henry has been fighting liver cancer. He’s put up a pretty good fight, which is not a surprise as Henry is a natural fighter and never had an easy life. Born in Texas of Mexican descent, he grew up poor and gave in to the lure of an outlaw at a very young age. Through the years Henry did time in some of the worst state and federal prisons in the country back when doing time meant struggling to survive every day. Yet through these hard years Henry remained one hell of a man, and was quick to share his sense of humor and in all the years I’ve known him, not even once did he have a harsh word to say about anyone.

Neither me nor Henry had any reason to expect a visit over the Holiday weekend. Although we both come from large families, through the years our families slowly drifted away and that’s just how it is, and we accept that. So, when it came to planning our Thanksgiving Holiday each of us became the others “family” and we spent countless hours what we would make to have a holiday meal that was different and special. 

                                     


Last week and the week before we got the packs of tuna and mackerel to make fish steaks, the Ramen soup so we would use the noodles a make a casserole, with more tuna and assorted packs of potato chips for flavor, with a dill pickle on the side. And that was just for the main course.

It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a lot of sweets. In past years I would make up a big batch of chocolate treats for everyone on the floor. But between the elimination of many items necessary to make them and substantial increases in the prices of what is now sold, it just is no longer possible. So we pitched in together and bought a Hershey chocolate bar for everyone on the floor so that everyone would at least have a little something.

With meticulous details we planned our meal. In a lot of ways, planning out what we intended to eat was almost as good as the eating itself! First, as an appetizer we would share a box of Ritz crackers, with beef and Jalapeno cheese sticks to go with them. We planned to start at around 10 o’clock that morning, and then around noon we would make up the main course. It would take me a few hours to make the fish steaks, which were a lot like crab cakes, but made with a mixture of tuna fish and mackerel steaks, mixed with crushed Ritz crackers and then seasoned with the spice pack of the Ramen “spicy vegetable soup” and a packet of soy sauce, and a bag of crushed spicy potato chips for flavor. Then coated with a crushed Ritz cracker crust. We would each have two.

The tuna casserole was basically flavored Ramen noodles mixed with tuna fish, a lot of mayonnaise and sweet relish and poured over crushed sour cream onion potato chips, with generous slices of dill pickles.

After having the main course, we planned to each have a Bear-claw pastry for dessert, with a cup of hot chocolate. Although we can only purchase the small envelopes of hot chocolate of the canteen, by adding some coffee creamer and a Hershey chocolate bar, it made a cup of thick hot chocolate which goes really good with the cinnamon and spice bear-claw pastry.

Later in the day we planned for some more sweets and snacks as football would be on TV all day – another Thanksgiving tradition. We had bought a box of Swiss rolls – basically small chocolate covered, crème filled cakes, and we’d make up some big cups of sweet tea to go with it. For later in the day we planned to use up the last big bag of Doritos Nacho Cheese chips I still had, pouring two packs of hot chili with beans over it, then topping it off with numerous packs of melted Jalapeno cheese spread – you just can’t put too much Jalapeno cheese on anything!

Yep, me and Henry planned to eat pretty good this Thanksgiving. Although holidays are meant to spend with family, in here it’s the guys we live around that become our family and we looked forward to sharing it together.

This year Thanksgiving would be on Thursday, November 26. Every year it’s on the last Thursday of November. But for all our meticulous plans it’s always the unexpected that comes along to ruin them.

On Monday our floor had recreation yard and Henry went outside to play volleyball for a few hours. With his health problems, yard usually left him exhausted but he would sleep it off and be ready to go again. Monday was not different and by early afternoon Henry was joking around, as we often do. By dinner he was his usual self, and then we had the thrice weekly showers (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

After showers the mail comes in and we talked a bit about that it was late on Monday as the guard who normally passes out the mail has the week off. So we didn’t get our mail until around 8.00 PM. Henry said he got one letter, but was concerned as he didn’t hear from his longtime dear friend Liz. I told him that they probably just didn’t pass out all the mail – he’d probably get a letter from her tomorrow.

About an hour later they came around for the nightly “master count” That’s the only time of the day we must each stand up and give our number – not our name, but only our prisoner number as in here that’s all we are – a number. Henry’s cell light was on and he said he was going to write a letter. But when the Sgt got to his cell he found Henry slumped over his table and the end of his bunk and Henry was not responsive. For a few minutes they yelled and banged on his door, assuming he was asleep as that was not uncommon, and the Sgt got on the radio and called for the nurse.

After several minutes Henry responded and awoke, but seemed somewhat out of it and wasn’t able to get up. So the Sgt decoded to send him to the main unit infirmary so they could check him out. This Sgt is a pretty good one and goes the distance to help us out. A few years ago he was working the floor when another guy fell ill and if not for this Sgt quick response in getting this guy out he would have died. Once again, this Sgt (who I am deliberately not naming) was quick to call for medical help.

They brought a wheelchair and Henry got on it and they pulled him out. As he stopped for a moment in front of my cell while they grabbed his photo ID I spoke to Henry and he seemed a bit out of it. But said he’d be right back.




A little while later I caught the Sgt making his rounds and asked how Henry was doing. By that time, he should have been back. The Sgt said that after they pulled Henry out, he started to cough up a lot of blood so they decided to keep him over at the main unit infirmary for the night.



But in the early morning hours just before breakfast the midnight staff came and packed up all of Henry’s belongings. If they expected him right back they would not pack up his property so I knew something was up. Throughout the day I asked others how he was doing and they said he’s not too good and would probably stay over at the main unit infirmary for a few days just to keep an eye on him. But they said they’d save his cell next to me, so I didn’t think much of it.

By Wednesday afternoon those I asked started saying that Henry took a turn for the worse and didn’t look good. Anxiously I squeezed all the information I could from those I knew would know.

Early Thursday morning, Thanksgiving Day, I was told that Henry had died at 2:30 AM, but that he didn’t suffer. I try to tell myself that at least his fight is over and he’s now in a better place and that at least his suffering was not prolonged as only too often it can be with cancer. But somehow it isn’t much of a comfort as he was a good friend and neighbor – he was family.

Just that quickly on Thanksgiving there isn’t much to be thankful for. The plans we made for weeks for our holiday feast now meant little as Henry was gone and so was my own appetite. Instead I spent the day just pacing my floor back and forth, four quick steps to the front then four quick steps to the back, listening to the radio and trying to get my head out of this place.

Then a song came on that made me smile….maybe even a message from Henry to a friend and brother who already greatly misses him. Bob Dylan’s “Knocking on heaven’s door” a song that not so long ago me and Henry sang together. Hearing that song brought tears to my eyes – but I smiled, as just hearing that song, at that particular moment, let me know that Henry’s alright and is now in a better place. Here’s to knocking on Heaven’s door – I will miss you my brother.



Mike

Christmas in a cage - Death Row Holiday

Growing up in a large family Christmas was always celebrated in the traditional Norman Rockwell style with many brothers and sisters both older and younger than myself, the excitement and anticipation of Christmas began immediately after Thanksgiving, when dear old dad would pull out all the holiday lights from the cardboard boxes concealed in the attic and spread them out across the floor as us kids would compete with each other to find any burnt out bulbs that needed replacing. Once that task was completed, it would be an honor to hold the long strands of lights as dad balanced precariously on a ladder nailing them along the roof overhangs, then as if by magic seemingly always just at the right moment as darkness began we would all gather to watch as they came to life. In that moment of unified silence the Spirit of Christmas became one with us.

Then would come the tree. Never but never an artificial tree, not in our house. Even in the years when there would barely be enough money for food, there was always a large freshly cut evergreen tree, with the scent of pine filling the room. Boxes of beautiful antique ornaments handed down through the generations would be carefully unwrapped and meticulously placed in just the right spot with rows of tiny flashing multicolored lights accented by a million strands of silver and gold tinsel, almost each strand carefully dropped over the boughs by us kids leaving the lower part of the tree with significantly more than the harder to reach upper branches, but no body even complained.

This majestic Christmas tree would always be up no later than the first week of December and then brightly wrapped boxes would begin to appear beneath the tree. That was the Christmas tease that has tormented children through the ages… What could possibly be in these beautiful boxes? Of course, children being children, we would all find a way to ever so very carefully steal a peek in that one of two particular box with our name only to almost without exception discover that the box contained nothing more than clothes. Silly kids – we already knew that only Santa Claus brought the good stuff and that wouldn’t happen until Christmas Eve.

Each Christmas Eve all of us kids would be herded off to bed early and given a stern warning that soon Santa Claus would be near and he’d know for sure if we weren’t sleeping. Of course we couldn’t sleep but each of us in our own way did our very best to pretend to as we each fantasized about what Santa might leave us. The hours would pass slowly – very, very slowly – until the early morning hours when dad would open the bedroom doors, releasing us from our rooms with the excited announcement that Santa had come and we would all rush into the living room and stand in awe at the piles and piles of presents that had been left beneath the tree.

With so many kids all anxious to rip open these gifts, controlling the chaos was the first priority. With the barely contained excitement of a child himself, dad would reign over the distribution of the presents, picking one box at a time and loudly calling off the name of each. In that large circle all our eyes would be gleaming in silent anticipation as we each awaited our name to be called. Then quickly pouncing forward when it was, to claim our gift and retreat behind the lines to rip it open. Soon enough the living room would be overcome with haphazardly discarded boxes and wrappings but nobody seems to really notice.

No matter what each of us received in that moment of time it became our entire world. Of course there would be the obligatory clothes, which were inevitably piled neatly to the side, to be collected later. Although we seldom got the toys we really wanted – apparently Santa Claus had a cash flow problem and couldn’t afford the most popular toys – what we got quickly made us forget about what we thought we wanted and the joy of receiving those gifts overcame any disappointment.

Looking back, I can’t recall even being disappointed at not receiving what I thought I wanted, as what I got always seemed to be even better. That’s why I knew even long after other kids my age gave up that Santa had to be real; dad couldn’t possibly afford all those wonderful presents. Only too many years later did I realize how much he would willingly sacrifice each year to make Christmas special, working long hours at the steel plant and even pawning off his few prized possession as nothing was ever allowed to break the sanctity of Christmas.

Soon after all the gifts were unwrapped we would be forced to set them aside and retreat back into our rooms to dress in our Sunday best then pile in the station wagon for a drive to the Christmas service. Even the thought of resisting this ritual seemed silly – marching into church as a family each Christmas morning was as much a part of Christmas as Christmas itself even of we didn’t fully understand the spiritual implications of Christmas at that time. But even as the priest administered the solemn sermon, already our thoughts were on the fest that would soon follow.

Within a few hours we were home again. The Christmas Spirit filled the house with a joyous mood as Christmas carols played endlessly on the record player and our attention turned from the gifts we already received to plots of pilfering the table piled high with cakes and candies laid out for guests that might drop by. With military precision us kids would band together and recon the living room then slowly sneak our way towards that table and careful not to let our presence be known, our little heads would pop up quickly as our hands reached for that morsel of sweet goodness and then a quick retreat would be made.

As all the dishes of cookies, candies, and cakes would slowly disappear the smell of Christmas dinner would fill the house. Without exception Christmas dinner would be provided with abundance in the traditional style with all the trimmings and the family would gather around the expanded table and eat. This was the one meal when no matter how dysfunctional the family was the rest if the year, we were truly family for that one meal. But then it would too soon be over and that one special day became only a memory.

These memories continue to be my Christmas and have become my ritual. Merle Haggard once sung a song about a man turning 21 in prison doing life without parole. My own ballad would not be that much different. I’ve never had another Christmas since leaving home. At 46 years old, this is now my twenty-sixth Christmas in a cage; the past 23 Christmas’ have been spent condemned to death in a cage on death row.

It is the Christmas of the past that remains my Christmas of the present. Being condemned to death I am not allowed to celebrate Christmas in any traditional sense. In the early years I would anxiously await the Christmas cards from family and friends, then hang each upon my cell wall and share the Spirit of Christmas with the few who chose to remember me. But as the years slowly passed the cards became fewer and fewer, even most of my brothers and sisters have now long forgotten me and given me up as dead. Although I remain blessed by a few special friends who make a point of sharing their Christmas Spirit with me, the friends too slowly drift away and become fewer and fewer.

Many years ago when I first came to death row we were allowed to celebrate Christmas and it was something we looked forward to. Each December we would be allowed to receive two packages from the outside world containing various necessities such as winter clothes, a pair of shoes, cosmetics and toiletries, and even a nice watch or ring. Then the Christmas meal would be traditional style, real turkey with all the trimmings and various pieces of cakes and pies. But then conservative politicians found out about the “special treatment” given to prisoners at holidays and made political careers by campaigning against these things. One by one every holiday privilege was eliminated and out of vindictive malice and spite the Spirit of Christmas was banned from prisons.

Where I once proudly displayed the few cards I’d receive on my otherwise barren grayish beige wall, I am now prohibited from doing so. Up until a few years ago I had a photo of a beautiful Christmas tree I’d tape to my back wall above my sink until one Christmas Eve a guard made an issue of it. I was ordered to remove it, but refused. A few hours later as I was taking a shower that guard went into my cell and removed that picture – ripping it into small pieces then throwing it into my toilet. That one small semblance of Christmas I so cherished was lost forever as that Spirit of Christmas was overcome by malice and spite.

Now each Christmas becomes more depressing as I become even more isolated from that world outside. Too often my thoughts now turn to my own kids and grandkids and wishing I could spend just one Christmas with them. All my own children are now grown, but I can only imagine the joy on my grandson’s face as he anxiously rips open the brightly wrapped box containing the small gift a friend so generously sent in my name.

Then I think of all the others here and in prisons across the country who like me can only think of Christmas’ past, as the Christmas of both present and future no longer even hold the hope of what the true Spirit of Christmas is about. I remain blessed by the few cards I will receive, but know that many others around me won’t get a card at all. There will be no Christmas sweets and treats. There will only be the same cold, barren walls and the sound of silence as each of us retreat into our own dreams of what once was and most likely will never be again.

So, this Christmas I ask you to remember what the true Spirit of Christmas really is as we gather to celebrate the birth of a men condemned to death for our sins, that through His condemnation each of us equally were given the gift of Hope. If those of us who claim to be Christian cannot actually be Christians on Christmas, then when can we be?

What would Jesus do of He were to celebrate Christmas today? I’d like to think that He would reach out to the lowest of the low and share hope with those condemned to death; that in the true Spirit of Christmas, in the true Spirit of Christ. Especially those condemned would not be forgotten.

To both friend and stranger equally the same, I say… Merry Christmas!!!

Michael Lambrix

Please check out my website http://www.southerninjustice.net

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Message from Average Joe, a Death Row inmate on Florida´s Death Row since 1977

Hey Guys,

Average Joe is back with you! I've been absent for a while due to not having someone to post my site. A lot has happened since I last wrote..

Last time I wrote I warned not to be fooled by the Secretary of Prisons they appointed McDonough. He was stricktly PR there to give the impression of prison reform, untill all the dirt was swept under the carpet from the previous secretaries of prisons and their illegal dealings. That and the death of Frank Valdez. I said: once the press was no longer interested, things would go back to same ole, same ole. Just like the The Who's song - "Meet the new boss - same as the old boss". And that's what we have now. Which is reflected in the rash of officers being fired or under investigation for prisoner abuse. And it's just the tip of the whole attitude. With that said, I'll switch to Death Row...

An execution occured here in August, John Marek. Which is unusual is how quietly it was done. I watch the news for such things, and I could have missed it but I did not see the coverage of it. I did not know they had re-signed his death warrant until the day before he was scheduled. Many did not. And I did not hear it had been carried out until the day after.
Usually all the local news stations are all over an execution, hard to miss. Maybe it is just not as newsworthy these days??

As for myself, I've had a change of mind on the system as a whole. I always believed if you fight the good fight long enough the truth would prevail. If the truth would come out - you would win. I don't believe that anymore. It's really just a matter of luck or chance when someone wins. Sometimes based purely on politics or a question of "will this hurt my career if I rule for his case?". Maybe it is due to the George Bush appointees in Federal Courts and the US Supreme Court. A trickle down of Republican type of law. Whichever, I now believe, you do whatever you have to do to win. Because that's how they play it to keep you from winning! I came to this mind set after my last trip to Florida Supreme Court.
Everyone involved in my case believed I had won a new trial at the least - or freedom period, after 32 years. We even had the prosecutor say: other than a statement I had given the police after when first arrested there was no other evidence. This came when Justice Perlente asked him what other evidence was there that I did this crime. He said: That's easy - Nothing!" But instead of winning, when they ruled it was the worst decision I have ever received. Even after we proved and the state prosecutor stated there was no further evidence they ruled that there was substantial evidence. Where they found any? - no one knows. It was just a bizar ruling!

Suffice to say all involved were shocked. I was at first, but now I see it as that's reality. That is the system. You know, I've never had any help legally except state appointed counsel. Not that I have not asked or tried to get help. Just never received any. And I understand some of it. There are only so many pro bono cases that can be accepted. And I will not say that those who worked on my case did not care. Many have and believed in me. I do however wonder if I would still be here if I had the financial means to hire a really good attorney. Someoen who isn't working on general cases all at the same time, overworked and underpaid. But that is just a "what if" and "what if's" change nothing.

I thought it over and asked myself "what do I need to win my case and freedom?" You know, the answer was simple. I need one person who has the means to come and go as I need, the mindset to take care of and do what needs to be done, who only cares about the results not the method, who is sharp enough to handle whatever needs to be done. That person need not to be an attorney, just someone who is ready to help me win my freedom. I know what needs to be doen. Together we would walk me out of here a free man. Now that is important. Because every time a man is found not guilty - and walks off death row it is a step closer to ending the death penalty. Imagine after 33 years - if i were to walk free!! Now as I read all this, that is what I need.

I'm 53 years old now. I'm still in good physical condition and mentally as well, which is unusual probably. But it's part of what I've become here. I refuse to give up. I refuse to allow this place to break me. Not in body or spirit. But I still believe with all the support that you guys give, the death penalty will end. The only question is - when. And that efforts are yet needed to end it.

But we know - nothing comes quickly nor easily. Lives will be lost along the way. Hearts will be broken. Tears will fall. But because you guys are there, there will be less of each. And isn't that what the struggle is all about? Anyways, I can not even ask for help - by law. But no law says someone can not volunteer! For me all I can do is state what I need. OK enough for now, I shall talk to you again soon. Till then, take care of eachother and yourselves.

Sincerely,

James Hitchcock # 058293
P- 5127
Union Correctional Institution
7819 NW 228th street
Raiford, Florida 3202-2600
USA

For more writings of James Hitchcock see http://againstdeathrows.blogspot.com/

Monday, 5 October 2009

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse..

I already figured out a long time ago that death row sucks. After 25 years in a concrete cage I got used to that fact. When it comes down to it people have a lot in common with cockroaches - we have an incredible ability to adapt to our environment no matter how hard it can get. There's just something within us that compels us to survive no matter what. That's human nature, for better or worse..

Way back in early 1984 at the relatively tender age of 23 i found myself descending into a hell few could ever begin to imagine. I had been locked up before so it wasn't just being led to just another cell that caused my anxiety and despair. Rather, this long walk led me down into the depths of Florida's infamous "death row". I didn't know what to expect and had only heard too many stories about the 'cold-blooded killers" I would now live among. I'm not ashamed to say that I was scared; that the uncertainty of my new world caused me to lay awake that first night listening to the sounds around me and praying to God that it was all just a bad dream and that I would awake and find myself home again, playing with my children and getting ready to go to work...awake to a normal life.

But it was not a dream - it was a nightmare that I could not escape from. Each morning for months, then years, and now decades I again awoke to that concrete hell among the condemned and was forced to accept that I too was and am condemned. As these years passed I both physically and psychologically "adapted" to my environment and I became one of the too many condemned men.

Looking back now I smile when I think about it. Back then death row didn't seem like such a bad place to be. Of course, at the time I didn't see it that way. But in a lot of ways back then wasn't so bad.

Beginning in the mid-eighties America took a hard turn towards conservative politics and it didn't take long before these rabid wanna be politicians started foaming at the mouth as they openly competed with each other to prove who could be the "toughest" on criminals. Young, ambitious politicians earned their nicknames like "Chain gang Charlie" - now known as Florida's Governor Charlie Crist - by aggressively pushing to eliminate all comforts and unnecessary privileges prisoners might have had as they quickly learned that by promising to make these cold-blooded killers suffer, they could win more votes.

Each election brought with it the elimination of more privileges. They took the weights from our recreation yards under the pretense that these criminals were getting too strong working out and big muscle bound prisoners scared the hell of these coward parasitic politicians. So, no more weights on the yard. Then they took our gift packages that we used to get twice a year (plus two at Christmas) from family and friends - just a small amount of simple stuff like maybe a pair of shoes, and pajamas from home. It didn't mean much to the politicians, but it meant a lot to us to be able to get something from home. Not surprisingly, after they eliminated these packages the prison system started selling these items at substantial profit and now the prison system makes millions of dollars each year selling us what we must have - shoes, warm clothes, shampoo, deodorant and stuff.

After that, they took away hobby craft packages which were used to have art supplies and hobby craft items sent in. Many of death row are incredibly talented artists and would paint and draw, while others were equally talented in crocheting and making toys out of yarn, like teddy bears and animals. It passed the time and kept the guys productive as most of us wanted to send something home to our kids, or send a nice card or painting to a loved one. But the prison didn't make any money off what we had sent in so they eliminated the hobby craft packages and started selling their own limited inventory of hobby craft items at a huge profit, of course.

Slowly, as the years passed the prison system went from a taxpayer subsidized step-child nobody talked about to evolving into a virtual "for profit" industry with countless companies and even multinational "Fortune 500" corporations all competing to provide services to this prison industry and greedily profit off the misery of the now millions of prisoners incarnated in the United States.

Then the economy collapsed and America quickly spiraled downwards into what is being called the worst recession since the Great Depression of the 1930's and Florida's multi-billion dollar prison budget became a stone around the State's neck. After building their political careers on the get-tough-on-crime agenda, these parasite politicians could not now suddenly say that it was time to release any of these criminals they fought so hard to lock up.

Besides, the modern day American prison industry now has entire communities across the state dependent upon keeping these prisons open at full capacity. These same politicians have already sent all the factory jobs overseas so if they close the prisons then tens of thousands would be unemployed. And in the past 30 years of consistent growth in the prison industry these prisons employers have grown to be a formidable political force in their own right. Any politician who even dared to suggest that it was time to release prisoners and close even one prison down quickly found himself being run out of office.

So, as America's recession forced the state of Florida to cut the prison budget instead of releasing prisoners, like many other states did, Florida politicians decided to just cut down on the cost of feeding and caring for the prisoners.

In recent months our daily calorie intake was reduce from around 3500 calories to just over 2000 calories. on paper, that might not sound too bad, but in reality what it means is that the prison administrators have now eliminated almost half of what we were used to being fed.

Incredibly, the Florida prison administrators decided that the best way to save a lot of money is by totally eliminating the really expensive stuff, like real meat, milk, and fresh fruit. Up until recently we would get a half pint of real milk at breakfast and a cup of fruit juice. At lunch or dinner we would get fresh fruit, such as an apple, orange, or banana. Although processed meat patty's have long been a staple of prison food, we did get real meat a few times a week - but not anymore. They have replaced most of it with some form of foreign substance they call processed meat - but is awfully similar to the "protein patty's" featured in the cult classic movie "Salient Green". (Could they now be feeding us our fellow prisoners??)

I understand that the general public wants prisoners to do "hard time" and if they could only walk a mile in my shoes they'd certainly understand what hard time is. But at the same time the public has to understand that there is a balance to be maintained. First, the real reasons prisoners are given privileges is that they have an incentive to be "good". Take away the privileges and you eliminate any incentive to stop them from rioting and burning down the prisons ("Attica, Attica, Attica") Second, like it or not, now that the prison industry has evolved into the monster it is today, most of the millions of men and women presently imprisoned are going to be dependents of the state the rest of their lives. That means that basic common sense tells you that "it's penny wise, but pound foolish" to provide prisoners with a diet that does not provide basic nutrition.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. Already the single biggest expense in the prison system is health care, especially as more and more prisoners are growing old in prison with no hope of ever being released. Above all else, any responsible prison administration would recognize that by eliminating all the real milk, meat, fresh fruit and fruit juices you are virtually guaranteeing that tens of thousands of prisoners will develop all sorts of serious health problems as they grow older. Right now, it might seem like a smart thing to save a coupe cents a day per prisoner by eliminating these basic foods - but without adequate nutrition it will cost the state millions of dollars in future health costs. How does that even make any sense?

Last, this is not a third world country. As Americans, we have long prided ourselves on our respect for basic human rights, quickly condemning other countries for the alleged abuse of prisoners in their custody. Already America now has the highest rate of incarceration in the entire world, even exceeding China, Russia, Iran and other countries generally seen as "totalitarian" societies.

The real question here is what kind of society are we becoming? At a super facial level it may seem as simple as "punishing" prisoners, and so what if they don't get fresh fruit or milk, or other basic foods we all take for granted? It's just too easy to say "so what?" without considering the consequences of becoming "that" kind of society ourselves. Is that what we have already become? Is this the kind of society we want to be? where the basic welfare of prisoners just doesn't matter?

I ask you to consider these questions - and think about how being deprived of basic nutrition would impact your life, or the lives of your loved ones. And then I ask you to phone, or email the Florida Department of Corrections Secretary, Walter McNeil and encourage him to remember that there are predictable long term consequences to not providing a nutritious diet to prisoners. Being penny wise but pound foolish at the expense of jeopardizing the long term health of prisoners is not a responsible way to run a prison system. And at least for now, America is not a third world county that's willing to tolerate the neglect and deprivation of basic human needs - not even the prisoners.

Please contact:

Walter Mcneil, Secretay of Florida Department of Corrections.
Phone: # 850/448-7480
Email: mcneil.walter@mail.dc.state.fl.us

Mike

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Death Row Consultant Will Work For Food

Welcome back and my apologies for the absence. My sponsor was taking a much needed vacation (who wouldn’t need a vacation from me? :)) and myself, I was busy writing up a comprehensive Federal Civil action challenging the unconstitutionality of Florida’s capital post conviction review process as being deliberately dysfunctional and fundamentally unfair. But now I’m back and I plan on writing more regularly again.

Let me first begin by thanking Tanya for the great comments she regularly leaves. As she doesn’t leave an email address for a response I can only thank her in this manner. It means a lot to me to know that what I write is being read and that people out there care. So thanks Tanya.

Now to what I’d thought I’d write today. The other day I was reading the newspaper and couldn’t help but notice the small front page article entitled “white collar cons ask the pro’s” (USA Today, July 15, 2009) In this article it talked about the “growing market” for ex-convicts who are paid substantial amounts of money to provide “consultations” to recently convicted “white collar” criminals so that they will know what to expect when they are sent to prison and how to survive that experience without getting their throat cut or becoming someone’s “bitch”

This has to fall under that “only in America” category. Some rich mommy boy’s ripped off banks and embezzles millions from clients who trusted them and plead in exchange for a relatively light sentence and what do they do? They then hire an ex-convict as a “consultant” and pay up to $ 20.000 to be told what to expect when they go to prison and how to fit in with the hardened criminals they will soon share a cell with.

According to this article, this is now a growing industry with ex-cons establishing consulting firms and making millions of dollars teaching these momma boys how to play nice with real convicts. One particular company “Wall Street Prison Consultants” says that the course they offer to white collar criminals “covers everything” and “helps offenders avoid assault, cope with the daily grind, decode prison lingo, and even avoid bad prison jobs” Their website even provides photos depicting the harsh transition from the exchange floor (Wall Street) to the prison yard.

You know, sometimes you see or read something and then it hits you – hey, why didn’t I think of that? That’s the kind of moment I had when I read that article, why not hire myself out as a “death row consultant”? Since capital punishment is a growing industry not only in America but China, Iran, North Korea and other countries where basic human rights don’t matter much, there might just be a pretty good market for a death row consultant.

To hear the state tell it, anyone coming to death row had to have planned to commit a crime and kill somebody, so as they plan this murder they can give me a call and plan the consequences of their action too. I could put ads in all the major newspapers…”Planning to commit a murder? Call Mike and I’ll tell you how to survive death row”

If you think about it, it kind of makes sense. If you are planning to commit a murder, then you should also plan on the consequences right? Of course, my first piece of advice would be that anyone planning to come to death row should be put in a mental hospital as this place sucks. And in the past 25 years that I’ve been here I can’t think of any that actually planned to come here. Well, that’s not quite correct = there’s been a number that all but begged the court to sentence them to death after they were convicted as many guys prefer the solitary life on death row over doing a mandatory life sentence out in the general population.

But what words of wisdom can I offer to the soon to be condemned? What advice could I provide to help them make that transition from the real world to a concrete cage, where it will be their fate to slowly rot away for decades at a time and inevitably they will reach the point where they will wake up in the morning and just pray to God that the nightmare will soon end and even death itself will become a means of escaping from the harsh reality of death row.

Death row is not like the general prison population where they are allowed out of their cells each day to work a job, go to the library, to the chow hall, and even the prison chapel, or maybe play a game of softball on the yard. Here on death row you sit in your cage all day, everyday and rarely are allowed out. We eat our meals in our cells and only get a couple of hours a week on the concrete yard. Like so many others who have been here for many years I stopped going to the yard and haven’t been outside for years now. Arguably I’m now the whitest man in America, my skin so pale I could easily be mistaken for the dead.

But unlike others I have not yet “bugged” out. That’s what we call it in here when a guy slowly slips over that cliff and loses touch with reality. In some ways I actually envy those guys as in here reality sucks. So maybe I should teach the soon to be condemned the art if “selective psychosis”, how to control the periodical escapes from reality without falling completely over the edge and into the abyss of insanity. I do think it’s that ability of retaining hope and purpose that keeps a person going in here.

Then by far the biggest and most important advice I might give is to read Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, especially ‘Act II’ so that you can appreciate Shakespeare’s words when he wrote “The first thing we got to do is kill all the lawyers” Of course, we can’t actually kill them – but you’ve got to accept that for the most part you cannot trust them! Like so many others here I have come to learn the hard way that all too often the lawyers appointed to represent death row prisoners are more interested in providing nothing more than a pretense of representation and are a far greater threat to you than even the prosecutor.

Then there’s family. Unless you want to go insane, forget about everyone you knew out in the real world as with very few exceptions they will all drift away. If you want to survive death row, you will have to form new friendships and most of them will come and go as nobody lasts forever. But the blessing in this is that many of the friends who will reach out to you while you’re on death row will become your surrogate family and they will stand by you even when your own family has long given up and gone their own way. These friends will become your strength and you will come to value these friendships above all else.

Then there’s the food – it sucks! That’s why when it comes down to it, if I were to hire myself out as a death row consultant I think I’d gladly work for food. I can’t even remember what real milk or real meat tastes like. But most of us do take the crap they feed us and mix it up with stuff we buy from canteen and cook up our own meals. So yeah – I’d work for food…real food!

Well there it is. Now who knows someone planning to come to death row as I’m ready to play death row consultant and I can tell you all about what to expect and how to survive. But you better bring some good food, cause you won’t get it here and by God I’m hungry!

Please check out my website http://www.southerninjustice.net

Monday, 22 June 2009

Death Row Recession

Unless you live in a cave – or a cage – you are more than aware that there’s a major global recession going on. Some are saying that it’s the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression of the 1930’s. Maybe they’re right, but I really don’t know as I do live in a cage here on death row as I have for the past quarter of a century. For the most part I’m isolated (or should I say “insulated”?) from that real world worry out there somewhere beyond these cold concrete walls and the rows and rows of razor wire.

In my world my economy evolves around a very simple system. I’m not allowed to work a job or earn any money. My basic needs such as food, shelter and clothing are provided for by the great state of Florida. I have a secure roof over my head and am fed three meals a day. The state provides me with a bright neon orange shirt and pants made out of what appears to be tent canvas. A couple of times a week they come around and do my laundry – it’s a lot like room service as they pick it up and then deliver it the next day.

On paper it all looks really good. The meals we are served follow a 4 week “perpetual” menu, meaning that it repeats itself every 4 weeks. It has for many years without any substantial change and after you’ve been here a while you can’t help but memorize it. Every morning before I get up I already know exactly what to expect when they bring my breakfast tray to my solitary cell, as death row inmates are not allowed to eat among other prisoners. I doubt this has anything to do with a fear that we might use our eating utensils as weapons as all we are allowed is a simple plastic spoon – never a real fork or knife.

The problem is that these meals only sound good on paper – and the paper this perpetual menu is written on probably is far more edible than the food served. I doubt anyone would expect prison food to be all that good, but I swear these people actually go out of their way to make it as bad as they can! Sometimes this can be frustrating as the food itself actually could be pretty good if only those supervising the kitchen would see to it that at least a minimal effort went into preparing it right.

Most of us here on death row purchase “canteen” food items sold by the prison commissary, upon which the prison system makes a substantial profit. From what I recently heard, just last year alone the Florida prison system made over 30 million dollars just in profits on food items sold in the prison canteen. With that kind of money being made, the prison system doesn’t have any interest in preparing and providing edible meals as by serving the crap they feed us, they force us to buy more snacks and food items from the canteen.

The problem is that when we (the prisoners) are forced to become dependent upon purchasing food from the for-profit canteen that money comes out of the pockets of our family and friends. They already pay their taxes to support the prison system, but now they must also provide substantially more, so this really is not fair to them.

Recently the prison system substantially cut back even more on the food/meals they serve us as due to the economy the Florida Department of Corrections has had significant budget cuts. For many years we were provided a diet consisting of at least 3000 calories a day, collectively for the 3 meals. That has now been reduced to 2400 calories. Additionally we are no longer given real milk at breakfast as we have for at least the past 25 years that I know of. Now they come around with a large jug of watered down powder milk and we are each provided a single cup each day.



Death row inmates no longer are fed any form of real meat other than one small thinly sliced piece of liver once each month. All other “meat” products are now some mysterious form of processed (and tasteless) meat patty or “turkey” hot dogs that taste like rubber. Regular bread that we might use to make a sandwich is now provided sparingly, replaced by what they call “cornbread” or even a couple dry, rock hard biscuits.

Because of this the death row population has now become even more dependent upon the food items we must purchase from the prison canteen. But many families and friends are now struggling themselves and unable to send as much money as they might have in better days.

To further compound this problem, the Florida department of corrections has recently increased the the prices of what is sold in the canteen. They claim that another private (for profit, of course) company has taken over management of the prison canteen system and this somehow justifies the sudden substantial increase in prices. Many items that must be bought regularly at least doubled, even tripled, in price overnight. Even a basic plain white envelope used to mail a letter out now costs 15 cents each.

The few food items they sell that could actually be used to make a meal out of now costs significantly more. For example, up until a month ago I could purchase a 4, 2 ounce pack of tuna fish for $1, 83 and it would make a pretty good sandwich. Now they only sell 2.3 packs of tuna fish for $1, 50, and it takes 2 packs to make just one decent sandwich.

We can also buy “ready to eat” meals, such as beef stew and chili with beans. Those cost about $1, 30 each, and are only 8 ounces. Each meal consists of a total of 250 calories, so you’re sure to be hungry soon after eating that if that’s all you’re eating.

A lot of the guys, including myself, would regularly buy individual packs of instant oatmeal, which previously sold for $0, 29 a pack and it would take at least two of these packs to make half a cup of oatmeal. Now this same instant oatmeal has suddenly gone up to $0, 39 each pack – that extra ten cents a pack really adds up.

We also used to be able to buy small “Little Debbie” oatmeal cakes at $0, 15 cents each. A couple would be enough to handle the hunger. But all the cheap snacks have now been eliminated and in its place we must buy pastry type cakes such as honey buns, chocolate donuts and bear claws – at $1, 50 each! These are the very same pastries that just a few weeks ago cost half that amount. The only alternative is either pop tarts, that went from $0,50 to $0,89 overnight, or Native Trail Mixed Berry bars (like granola bars) that suddenly doubled in price.

For as long as I can remember most of us have regularly bough instant “Ramen soups” as the ultimate back up. They were inexpensive, and we could salvage the potatoes, or beans, or vegetables off the food the state serves and make a soup as the main meal of the day. But now suddenly these soups cost twice what they used to. A simple pack of potato chips or corn chips also more than doubled in price, from $0, 48 to $1.29 per pack.

All of this adds up – and keep in mind that death row prisoners are not allowed to work or earn money. Everything we must buy comes out of the pockets of the family and friends willing to help us out. Our families and friends are suffering from the rough economy too – many of these are now without work or living on a fixed income. Is it really fair to them that now the state is effectively robbing them during these tough times?

But just buying the basic amount of food necessary to keep from going hungry is only part of it. The state – at best – only provides the most basic needs that they are legally required to provide. Anything beyond that the prisoner must buy himself – at a substantial profit to the state. If I want shampoo to wash my hair or a bar of soap to shower with, or deodorant so I don’t stink up my cell during the long hot and humid summer days with no air conditioner, I must buy that myself.

Equally so, if I want to write to my loved ones, I must purchase the paper, the envelopes and the ink pens. Nothing comes for free, as I must also pay all the postage to mail this out. It all adds up.

I am one of the few who are blessed with a few family and friends who do help me out. But where only recently I was able to get by with $25 to $30 a week, now to cover even the basics I must spend at least $40 a week on canteen – or go hungry.

The truth is that I don’t want to ask my family or friends for more money as it’s already hard enough on them as it is. But what am I supposed to do? It would be only too easy to say that I should eat what the state provides and suck it up. I know many here do that, as they simply have no choice. Some of those who have nothing and nobody end up committing suicide, going nuts or dying an early death of “natural” causes. I do believe that there is a direct relationship between the prolonged deprivation of basic needs in this inhumanely oppressive environment and the mental degradation that inevitably leads to suicide, mental illness and early death.

Death row is already a stressful environment. Each day all of us struggle to sustain the strength just to mentally and physically survive. And it is equally as hard on our family and friends as they too face the uncertainty of our fate. Bur unfairly adding this additional factor of price gauging is perhaps the worst thing I’ve seen in years. I can’t help but remember that just a few years ago when similar price increases were imposed on canteen good, a subsequent Federal investigation revealed that the Florida Department of Corrections director, James Crosby, was actually taking monetary bribes – pay offs – to allow the private contractor to rob the prisoners. Since then Crosby is in Federal prison himself.

Maybe its time that someone looks into the current canteen prices and the contracts awarded to for – profit companies to see who is getting the kick backs this time. But until then, I do hope that all prisoners’ family and friends will contact the current Florida Department of Corrections director Walter Mc Neil (mcneil.walter@mail.dc.state.fl.us ) and formally complain about these unfair prices.

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

To see the Soul- A Search for Self

A simple plastic mirror hangs upon the door frame of my death row cell, faded with the age of years gone by. I could easily replace it with a new one, but I don’t want to. That inanimate object has become my friend. I can look within its reflection and see a person I’m still coming to know. I doubt anybody else would ever understand, but I do. And that’s good enough for me. You see, years ago when I first arrived and was placed within the confines of my solitary crypt, condemned to an existence of a seemingly endless state of judicial limbo, we had no mirrors. For reasons beyond my personal comprehension, any type of reflective object was deemed to be a threat to the security of this institution. For years I did not see myself, with the exception of a few opportunities stolen along the passage of time. But it was just as well, as even when confronted with the reflection of my own being, I couldn’t recognize the person who looked back. It was a stranger I did not know, and could not understand. And it scared me.

My true friend, the mirror, is a patient being. Willingly, it has given me the time to look deep within myself, grasping in almost maniac desperation for the person that I knew existed beyond that shell of emotional void. So many battles in the past had tempered my ability to rationalize and overcome. I came to this crypt with a death wish, as I saw death as an escape. It would allow me to end the continuous cycle of adversity that plagued my life. As a crutch enabling me to survive, I had come to accept that I was not at fault or the way my life had painfully twisted its way through one nightmare after another. Responsibility for my personal actions was an alien concept. I had conceded that for reasons unknown to myself, my life was cursed. I came to accept that philosophy, no longer even attempting to defend against the plague of pain that continued to fall forth.

Yet, ever so slowly over the years I’ve gained a new understanding of the man in the mirror. Oh yes- I’ve still fought what I did not want to see. I still created my own justifications for what I chose not to accept. But in its silent wisdom, that inanimate piece of plastic ever so patiently drew me back into its reflection of self. At times I would spend hours doing nothing but staring at this stranger I knew so well, but didn’t know at all. In the stillness of night I lay awake searching the very depths of my soul for understanding. I expected a miracle. I anticipated the day I would awaken and hold all the answers. It never came. But ever so slowly I came to know that once-stranger.

I came to accept reality, no longer imprisoned within my imaginary world of excuses. I could at long last identify the paths I’ve travelled, ascertaining the many places along the path in which I’ve chosen to challenge the natural flow and do things my way. I’ve come to accept that the deceptive vehicle of illusive charms which I’ve followed and travelled upon so blindly in reality the foundation of my life’s disasters. In the ignorance of my youth, I had adopted the use of intoxicants as my crutch from reality. Rather than confront the problems of life, I turned in weakness for the closest available form of deception. Alcohol. Drugs. It didn’t matter. I would use either without hesitation. And somewhere along that river of intoxicated stupor, I continued to flow even further apart from the person within. But I am not an old man. I have not spent a life of absolute intoxication. I am not the proverbial ‘wino’ our society so quickly identifies as a model of alcoholism, or the ‘junkie’ that haunts the depths of the inner city. I was only a young man- a working man, a husband, a father, an alcoholic and a coward who could not and would not face that truth; a teen alcoholic who had matured only physically into an adult alcoholic. I had become a person trapped and imprisoned by the compelling need to drown all time within a bottle, or whatever else might be readily available- any escape from the harsh truth of reality.

Now I look at the person within, and find someone I can identify with. No longer am I a stranger trapped within myself. Only, the search of self came too late. In at last escaping from the imprisonment of alcoholism, I have only awoken to find myself now condemned to death as a direct result. I cannot retrace that path of the past. I cannot recreate what has already been. Yet I feel as if a burden has been lifted. Still I can sense the inner freedom as I explore who I am, the one within. And over these years I’ve kept journals about my solitary environment. Perhaps one day I will gather these thoughts and reflections together and allow others to look within as I have done myself. For now I’m satisfied with simply confiding my thoughts upon that paper, creating my own security blanket, another trustful friend who will hold my deepest secrets and always gladly spare a listening ear. And within those many pages I will form a trail to follow, a path in which I will be able to see the metamorphosis of self as it slowly evolves, as I come to know even more of ‘me.’ And as I see more of the true self emerge from the dark recesses of the past, I am inspired and motivated to push even harder toward a future. I am compelled to tell others of the experience, as I realize that I had been cheated out of my own life by a bottle, but even more so by the deceptive justifications I had so readily created to rationalize why I had fallen into the well of alcoholism.

In coming to know myself, I have realized what had first instilled within me the weaknesses that led to my addiction, and by identifying that weakness, I have found the strength to overcome the circumstances now present in my life. For the first time, even though imprisoned and condemned to death, I am in control of my life. I know what I want to achieve and can make plans to do so. I can look beyond the moment of today and the eternity of tomorrow. For me, that in itself, is a victory. Nothing I say or do can change the past. But I know now that I can use yesterday’s battles as a source of strength in building a future, because I am willing to accept my addiction to alcohol, and how it can so easily become my master, enslaving me to an existence of irresponsibility and failures. For this realization I owe a great debt to that mirror that still hangs silently as if in its wisdom, it knew all along that time itself would slowly bring about the unity of my body and soul. The piece of plastic could only reflect back what could be seen. It could only show me the physical being, but it was the stranger I saw that forced me to look deeper. Time, itself, brought about the gradual evolution of the stranger and the soul, each discovering the other along the path of a desperate search.

I can now only wonder what I would have become had I continued to live as I once did. Could any alternative path be worse than my present state of condemnation? Yes, I believe it could, as I can deal with what I face today. I may not still understand how it all came to be, but I continue to pray an opportunity will eventually present itself, allowing me to exhibit all the facts, all of which I am now willing to accept and confront. I have no doubt that if such an opportunity was to present itself, even this condemnation would be lifted. For now, though I accept it. And I equally accept the truth that my prison of today is not at all as restricting or enslaving as the prison of alcoholism I had been previously confined to. In this small, solitary cage I am free not only to discover self, to explore who I am and to allow myself the hopes and dreams of what tomorrow might bring. The prison of alcoholism had never allowed that. It only mastered my body, but entrapped my soul. In my present condemnation I have found the true essence of life and in my solitary confinement I have found freedom. And all in the reflection of a plastic mirror.

Sunday, 26 April 2009

My First Day at Death Row

My journey to death row began early on the morning of Friday March 23, 1984. Only the day before Judge Richard Stanley had formally sentenced me to death as I stood before him in the one room Glades County Courthouse. It was merely a formality as there was no question of what the sentence would be. A month earlier in that same small courtroom the jury had convicted me of both counts of capital premeditated murder I was charged with. At a subsequent sentencing phase my court appointed public defenders had called several family members to testify on my behalf in the hopes that the jury would show ‘mercy’ and recommend only a ‘life’ sentence. But as a stranger in a small southern town, the panel of 12 jurors felt no mercy or compassion towards me.

Walking into that courtroom chained and shackled like a mangy dog I knew just what to expect as my fate was already determined. On this day of reckoning none of my family was present and that was just as well. I didn’t want to be there myself as I still felt angry and confused as to how this jury could have convicted me as they had to see that the state’s wholly circumstantial case simply made no sense. Looking back now, I accept that their verdict was not about justice, but vengeance, so truth had nothing to do with it. The way they saw it, a young woman from their own small rural community lost her life- someone had to pay.

Sgt Tommy Hearne seemed almost excited as he pulled me from the cell I had involuntarily called ‘home’ for the past year. As small as the county was, the local jail only had two cells with four bunks in each. No matter how bad prison might be, I certainly would not miss this backwater dump. It didn’t take but a minute to grab what few possessions I had, which Sgt Hearne carelessly threw into a small cardboard box- but gently laying my Bible on top.

Then Sgt Hearne and another deputy instructed me to assume the position which anyone familiar with police or prison procedure knew to mean stand up facing the wall, legs spread, slightly bent forward. They first placed the heavy leg shackles on my feet, then a chain around my waist. Handcuffs were fed through an enlarged eyehook at the front of my waist, then each of my hands attached at the wrist. They then double-locked the handcuffs, and then placed a black box over the cuffs through which the squared eyehook was fed and the chain pulled through, with its end pulled to the side out of reach and attached with a heavy lock.

I didn’t care to speak to Hearne. He was involved in the case and had on numerous occasions expressed his opinion that they should execute me. He was a small town redneck cop, intoxicated by his own power and I had nothing to say to him- I had nothing to say to any of them.

They then led me out the back door of the county jail where an inconspicuous two tone blue Chevy station wagon was parked and awaiting us. The back door was opened and I was instructed to sit in the middle of the seat, then a short piece of chain was secured with a heavy padlock to the shackles on my feet so that I could not run. The seatbelt was then placed around my waist and pulled tight. A moment later Sgt Hearne and another deputy got into the front seat and as we pulled away my journey to death row began.

It would be a long trip from the flatlands and sugar cane fields along the western bank of Lake Okeechobee where the small town of Moore Haven (the county seat for Glades county) was located to where the “Reception Center” for the Florida prison system known most simply as “Lake Butler” was located in the rural north central Florida. Back then all prisoners coming into the Florida prison system went through Lake Butler. Less than two years earlier I had myself first entered the prison system at Lake Butler and spent almost a week there awaiting transfer to Baker Correctional- another state prison in north Florida. At least this time I knew what to expect, or at least I thought I did.

I watched out the window as we drove north up Highway 27 through the heart of the state, until we got to Polk County where we then went northwest on Highway 98, basically a two-laned state road that traveled through farms, orange groves and open ranch land. I watched through the window as the world I once knew passed by. I had traveled this same stretch of highway myself as a free man and I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps this was the last time I would ever see it.

Not long after that the Florida flatlands began giving way to the gently rolling hills around Ocala. This part of Florida reminded me of my home in northern California. Along the sides of the interstate were large horse farms with their planked fenced pastures, dotted by majestic grandfather oaks draped with Spanish moss. It seemed almost surrealistic that as we passed through this beauty and tranquility I was being driven to my own death. Again, I wondered if I would ever see such beauty again.

By mid afternoon we pulled off the Interstate on to a two-laned country road just north of Gainesville. I couldn’t help but notice the name of the small town we then passed through…Providence. Not long after that was a sign pointing the way to Lake Butler- for some reason I was surprised that there actually was a town and a lake there in Lake Butler as for me and so many others it was simply known only for the prison reception center, a large complex containing the main building and prison medical center where all incoming state prisoners were received and processed, but also the large 3-storey main dormitory building located in the very center of the compound, where the infamous ‘K-Wing’ was located- a maximum security wing with a reputation of brutality at the hands of vicious guards known to all by such names as “K-Wing Slim” and “Breezeway Red” and their reputation feared by even the most hardened convicts, to the many smaller single storey open dorm buildings lined up along the perimeter of the back fence, to the open recreation area and its sheltered pavilion with rows of concrete tables and the adjacent softball fields, and basketball and volleyball courts where countless lost souls have passed time awaiting transfers to whatever state prison they might end up assigned to.

But I would see none of that on this trip to Lake Butler. Until I actually arrived at the reception center, it never occurred to me that death-sentenced prisoners were treated differently. I knew that all death row prisoners were then housed only at Florida State Prison near Raiford, but that’s all I really knew.

After arriving at Lake Butler I was signed over to a prison sergeant who was then assisted by another sergeant as they removed the shackles and chains belonging to Glades county and immediately replaced them with almost identical shackles, chains and blackbox of their own. Other than asking me my name, they said nothing beyond curse orders to follow and then with one sergeant in front and another at my side I was led into the main room where at least 40 other prisoners sat in silence awaiting their own name to be called so they could be processed.

Unexpectedly, the sergeant in front all but yelled “death row coming through!” and the mass of prisoners and guards at the processing desk miraculously parked like the Red Sea and I was led to the front of the line. Other prisoners who had waited many hours, perhaps even all day, silently stepped aside. At the desk they already had my file ready and it didn’t take but a few moments to process me through the place.

I had assumed I would stay at Lake Butler a few days, just like all other prisoners do, but I was wrong. Within an hour I was processed into the system and given a cursory physical examination, then just as quickly escorted out of the building and into a plain white transport van. Although not that hot a day, the van was obviously also used to haul garbage and once inside the fully enclosed van the stench was almost overwhelming. But I didn’t complain as the reality that in their eyes I was nothing but human trash was only too clear.

I knew where we were now going- Florida State Prison, commonly known then as the “East Unit”- the Alcatraz of the south. Its reputation as one of the most violent prisons in the country was well earned. Except for those condemned to death very few prisoners are sent directly to the East Unit. Rather, it was the end of the line for the most violent Florida prisoners who could not be kept in any of the state’s other ‘correctional institutions’. Although housing about 1,000 prisoners, most ended up in the East Unit only after stabbing or killing someone at another prison, or becoming an escape risk. Nobody wanted to be sent to the East Unit.

This part of North Florida is known as the “Iron Triangle” as the entire economy of Bradford and Union County is built upon the numerous maximum security prisons in the area. In addition to the massive complex known as Lake Butler the oldest prison in the state, Union Correctional Institution, commonly known as “the Rock” was in Raiford.

Around the entire area, about 18,000 acres of state owned land, the prison has farmed and ranched the area for many decades. If one were to drive along Highway 16 and passed by these massive complexes they would see many homes and trailer parks lining the road, but this ‘secret city’ would not show up on any map. The streets have no names and the town doesn’t exist. These homes are state owned, used to house prison employees. The almost too perfectly sculptured lawns and gardens maintained by squads of ‘prison chain-gangs’. This part of Florida has never evolved into the 21st century and continues to exist as a window into a darker past when slave labor and all the evils it entailed was an accepted practice in the Deep South.

Beyond the state subsidized housing for prison employees lies thousands of acres of cattle and farming operations, all state owned and maintained by inmate labor. Just outside the rear gate of Florida State Prison is a smaller unit known as “O-unit” where prisoner cowboys and farm laborers were housed. Much of the meat and produce used to feed the prisoner came from this camp until the mid 1990s when the prison system contracted theses services out to private industry.

Behind the massive complex of Florida State Prison is another unit then known as the “Butler Transit Unit” (BTU). This unit was to house prisoners in transit between other prisons and was part of Lake Butler. I spent a few weeks there myself in the summer of 1982 after being processed at Lake Butler and while awaiting transfer to Baker Correctional, a maximum security prison about 30 miles north. Back then BTU was nothing more than a row of flimsy plywood ‘dorms’ with close-quartered rows of steel bunk beds. In the stifling heat of the Florida summer the stench of 100 men packed neck to neck in a plywood bunkhouse without even so much as a fan for ventilation was often overwhelming. With only a single guard assigned to each bunkhouse, who more often than not would conveniently step outside to escape the heat and human stench himself, fights and even rapes were only too common. But it was prison and nobody really cared.

The van now pulled up to the back gate of Florida State Prison. Looking forward through the front of the van I could see the rows of wings of the prison. Like the skeletal remains of a beached whale, the main hallway ran like a backbone for over a quarter of a mile in a straight line while the individual wings branched out like ribs at consistent intervals a couple of hundred feet apart. Between each of these 3 storey wings was a grassy area. No movement could be seen, even the small fenced recreational yards at the end of each wing were empty.

To the left was a large open recreational area used by ‘general population’ inmates when they were allowed to do so. Beyond that was the row of plywood bunkhouses I once briefly called home. Within a few years these bunkhouses would be torn down under orders by a Federal Judge and replaced with permanent concrete structures renamed “New River Annex” as if simply changing its name could erase the inhumanity of its previous existence.

The van pulled through the massive gates and into an enclosed sally port where several guards inspected the van. Several moments later the sergeant started the van again as a second set of massive steel gates slowly opened and we were pulled through, finally entering the compound of Florida State Prison.

The sergeants led me up a ramp and down a short hallway until we came to a set of steel gates. The gate buzzed and we stepped into what is known as “Grand Central”, where the two main halls of Florida State Prison intersect. About ten paces to my right was a large steel cage with a wooden bench where I was placed and locked within while the sergeant went to a control room to do his paperwork.

A few minutes later the transport sergeant returned and without opening the cage I was in, he removed the shackles and chains and without a word he left. I would later learn that I had arrived just before afternoon (4 pm) shift change so was left in that cage for hours, until they were ready to process me into this prison.

In prison, patience is much more than merely a virtue - it’s a means of survival. No matter how long they would have me wait, nothing good could come of me trying to push them. Even with my limited experience in the prison system I knew only too well that a big part of the violence that was only too common came at the hands of the guards, not other prisoners. As the hours passed I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and just silently watch as prisoners from general population lined up in the main hallway waiting to go into the dining room. Still unfamiliar with death row, I half expected to be brought to the large open dining room myself.

After a few hours a guard stopped by my cage and asked “you eat yet?” and I said “no.” He turned and walked away. A few minutes later he returned, now accompanied by an inmate wearing white holding a plastic food tray, which he handed to me through a cutout in the gate. I accepted in silence, looking down at what appeared to be a noodle casserole. There was no fork so I quickly asked the inmate if he had a fork, but he just walked away. It didn’t matter as I wasn’t hungry anyway. I sat the tray on the wooden bench.

It must have been a good three or four hours before two sergeants finally came to the cage and ordered me to “cuff up”. Again, my prior prison experience proved helpful and I silently turned around and stepped back towards the “bean slot” (aptly named as that is where the food trays are passed through) and they quickly handcuffed me behind my back then ordered me to come with them.

I was led to another larger cellblock located directly behind the main control room and placed in that cage, then they removed the cuffs. I came to learn that anytime I was removed from a cage or cell, I would be handcuffed behind the back. Only later did another prisoner tell me that they started doing that a few years earlier after a death row inmate stabbed and killed a guard. Before that death row prisoners were allowed generous out of cell time daily without the use of physical restraints. But as is only too often the case in prison, it only takes one incident to cost everybody a valued privilege.

In that cage I was ordered to strip. The clothes I was wearing were taken and I was given a pair of worn out prison denim pants- dark blue with a wide white stripe running the length of each side, and an apricot colored T-shirt that I would learn was to identify me as death row. At Florida State Prison they used different colored shirts to identify the classification status of all prisoners.

The general population inmates wore dark blue, unless they worked as a clerk or the canteen, then they would wear all white. The many who were in “closed management” which is what Florida calls those placed in punitive segregation- often for many years at a time- wore green shirts. Death row wore apricot shirts.

After I changed into the apricot shirt, the two guards again handcuffed me and we began our journey from the front of the prison towards the back down the long straight hallway that eventually ended at a partition that segregated the last 5 wings of the prison.

As we walked, I curiously looked into each open door, passing the prison chapel, the main dining room of general population and a large gymnasium with a basketball court and stage area filled with weights for those who wanted to work out. I tried to take in every detail, assuming that I would soon be able to visit the dining hall, chapel and the gym- not knowing that I never would as death row was not allowed to participate in worship services or go to the gym, or even eat meals in the prison dining hall.

We passed wings housing prisoners, each directly opposite of the other. As I passed each door I could see that each was a three tier layout with an open center area. Many prisoners were walking around in each of the wings and there was a TV/Rec room adjacent to each population wing.

To the opposite side I first saw “W Wing” which was closed off by a solid steel door. I couldn’t see into that wing and I would later learn that I didn’t want to. W-Wing was the psychiatric housing unit for the prison and was infamous among prisoners for the horrors that took place within. Through the coming years I would become aware of the inhumanity inflicted upon those placed on that wing under the pretense of psychiatric care. I would hear firsthand accounts of prisoners who had been shackled naked to steel bunks for days and weeks at a time, and how physical brutality was the true form of mental control. I would come to know that even as brutal as death row solitary confinement might be, at Florida State Prison there were many levels to this man made hell and perhaps even far worse than even the infamous “Q-wing” where the death chamber used to carry out executions was, W-wing remained a horror even worse.

After W-wing there was a small barber shop off to the side of the main hall, followed by two more wings, each with its solid steel door closed. These wings housed those placed in “closed management” which was long term solitary confinement for those who had been found guilty of “serious” rule infractions such as assaults or stabbings- or just as often not really guilty of anything but arbitrarily incurring the wrath of a vindictive guard who then used his power to write an unfounded “disciplinary report” as a means of having the prisoner placed in segregated “close management”.

In coming years I would become only too familiar with how common it was for guards to abuse their power by writing fabricated “disciplinary reports” as a means of retaliating against a particular prisoner for some form of perceived offense. That is how it is and always will be. Although disciplinary sanctions are a necessary means of maintaining order within a prison, if you do have a problem with any guard you can expect to be subjected to a fabricated disciplinary report, which is then rubber stamped substantiated by the kangaroo court you’re brought before.

My journey continued as we came to a steel bar partition with electric controlled gates to each side. Beyond that gate remained the last 5 wings at the far end of the prison. At the time (early 1984) only the two wings on the left (S and R wings) were for death row, while the two wings to the right (N and P) were used for more “closed management” confinement prisoners.

I was led to the solid steel door (with a small ‘peep’ window) of S wing and the sergeant escorting me knocked on the door leading to the “quarter deck” Each wing of Florida State Prison was laid out in a similar fashion, with a quarterdeck off the main hallway where the wing officers station was.

As I was turned over to the wing sergeant I was “logged in” and my name and inmate number was added to a large board. That only took a moment, then I was led to the staircase, and escorted downstairs. My assigned cell was “S106” meaning S wing, first floor, cell #6. Each floor was divided into a northside and a southside. I would be placed on the southside. Each side had a total of 17 cells, as well as two shower cells where we were allowed to shower three times a week.

It was already dark when I entered the wing. My first impression was the smell, an almost suffocation mixture of smoke, body odors of every sort imaginable, and humanity at its worst. I would come to learn that during the winters they would seal the windows shut so that for many months (from November until April or May) the wing would be almost sealed- and the smells and odors fester- with the exception of broken windows; deliberately broken by the prisoners who would rather endure the freezing temperatures of a north Florida winter than suffocate by the smells.

The next unexpected thing I noticed was the sounds. Once we reached the first floor and approached the gate leading into the tier, all sorts of noises could be heard. The cellblocks were on the inside of the wing away from the outer windows, so that the prisoners could not have access to the windows. Outside the cells were “catwalk” runs, the second and third floor catwalks constructed of steel scaffolding. If standing on the first floor catwalk you can look up all the way to the 3rd floor as the area is open. Thus the noise being generated was not only the 17 cells on 1-south but a total of 71 cells.

The floor was dark with just a few light bulbs spread out along the way. Some of the cells had their lights on too. But most cells were only dimly illuminated by the light of a small black and white TV that each death row inmate had. And each TV was apparently tuned to a different station. A few used headphones, but most apparently preferred to simply turn up the volume on their own TV as a means of drowning out their neighbor, while others listened to small radios. This was certainly not what I had expected, but then I really didn’t know what to expect.

As we came to cell # 6 the sergeant signaled an officer at the front gate and a mechanical system “rolled” the cell door open. The sergeant reached for a light cord and pulled the string and the single light bulb that precariously hung from the ceiling at the front corner of the cell flickered on. As my eyes adjusted to my new home, I was disgusted by the mess- trash and even discarded food lay all over the floor. But I remained silent. The sergeant removed the handcuffs and left without another word.

No sooner did I hear the gate leading on the wing slam shut, I then heard a voice calling ‘cell 6”. I didn’t realize that I was in cell six until suddenly an arm reached around with a rolled up newspaper and banged on the bars of the cell- I was in cell six and I had my first “phone call.”

Unlike the Hollywood version of being the new guy in prison, nobody called out “fresh fish” or taunted me in any way. The voice that called me quickly told me his name was J.D (James D. Raulerson) and asked me what wing I came off- he thought I simply had a cell change. I told him I just came in, and that my name was Mike.

As I kicked the old newspapers and trash towards the front of the cell, J.D talked to me. He held a mirror around the wall that separated our cells, so that I could see him- and I suppose more importantly, he could see me. He asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee or anything. I thought he was joking when I said, “Hell yeah!’ but a moment later he was reaching around the wall holding a steaming cup of hot coffee out for me. As I accepted that from him, a moment later he reached around again with a pack of cookies.

As I hesitantly accepted the food I told him I didn’t have any money yet and he laughed. I’ll never forget what he told me- “Hey man, we’re all in this together. Back here we look out for each other.” Soon word got around the wing that a new guy was on the floor and others hollered at me, each introducing themselves by whatever name they chose to be called and more often than not, also asking me if I needed anything.

Within just a few hours various others sent me an assortment of snacks, a bag of instant coffee, several cups and spoons, even a few bars of soap and a new bed sheet to throw over the moldy canvas covered ‘mattress’ that lay on the steel bunk.

It didn’t take long to clean the cell as there wasn’t much to it, just a 6 foot by 9 foot concrete cage with nothing but a steel bunk attached to the side wall and a stainless steel toilet/sink combo at the back wall. I was exhausted from the long day but too curious about my new world to want to sleep. Besides, the noise would not die down until after midnight, so I stood at the front of the cell and talked to JD for hours as he patiently told me about my new world.

J.D Raulerson had already been on death row many years by the time I came in early 1984. He was an easy going guy who called himself a ‘Christian Buddhist’ and was self–educated in many vocations. I could not have asked for a better neighbor as in the weeks and months that I adjusted to this new life, J.D. generously mentored me, never once asking for or expecting anything in return. But before the year was out the Governor signed his death warrant and in January 1985 James D. Raulerson was executed.

To my other side in cell # 5 was a Hispanic man named Louie Urango. He was quiet and preferred to keep to himself. A few years later Louie had his convictions thrown out by the court and was released. I later heard he had returned to Colombia, only to be shot and killed shortly after.

I came to realize that for the most part Florida’s death row was not unlike a college fraternity house. With few exceptions there was a “commadre” among its residents. And it was not uncommon for the guys to generously share what little they might have with each other, even occasionally some homemade ‘wine’ or a little bit of pot obtained by means never asked or spoken of.

As I came to know the others around me, I also came to know men who would by every right and reason become my brothers- my family. It would be years before any of my family would visit, but these guys taught me how to adjust to prison life “death row style”, and some even hooked me up with penpals they knew.

Looking back at that floor I was first housed on, I can do a mental roll call and it’s reflective of what I’ve come to know. Many of those I originally met have been executed, but even more slowly succumbed to death by ‘natural causes’ as they toll of prolonged solitary confinement took its measure. But equally so, a number of those I then knew were later exonerated and released- and others removed from death row by having their death sentences reduced to life.

As months became years and years became decades, I became one of the “old timers” myself, and in respect for the generosity so many showed me when I first arrived, I too try to share what I am blessed to have. By doing so I hope that those “new guys” that I meet will look back on their own first day descending into the uncertainty of a hell few can even imagine with a memory not of the overwhelming isolation and sense of abandonment we all feel while condemned to our solitary cells, but with a memory of the kindness of another condemned prisoner and the truth that ultimately no matter where we might find ourselves, as individuals we choose to be the person we each become and collectively we chose to create the environment we must live in.

Michael Lambrix
Florida Death Row

Please check out my website http://www.southerninjustice.net 

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Happy Birthday Mike!

It’s just a birthday and not much more. Today I became 49 years old and that marks about the 28th birthday that I’ve spent locked up. Merle Haggard once sang a beautiful song about turning 21 in prison, doing life without parole, and when I hear it, I smile. My 21st birthday was the first birthday I spent locked up and I’ve spent every birthday since locked up. The past 26 birthdays I’ve spent in solitary confinement here on Florida’s death row.

After all these years you’d think that birthdays don’t mean much anymore. It’s just another mark in my calendar, another day lost forever. But in truth this birthday is different. In all the years that I’ve been locked up, I’ve never had a visit on my birthday (actually I did have a legal visit on a birthday once – the lawyer came to tell me she was leaving and dropping my case. I never saw her again) But for most of the years I’ve been locked up I didn’t get that many visits anyway, so I had no real expectations of getting a birthday visit.

That changed about 10 years ago when my mom and stepfather retired and moved from California to Florida. Before that, because of the distance, they never could visit. But in 1998 they moved to a town about an hour away and suddenly for the first time ever I had regular visits.

At first they were here, rain or shine, like clockwork every other Sunday. A few times my sisters would come up with them and even bring my niece and nephews. Those visits meant a lot as it made me feel like “family”. I enjoyed the few hours spent just talking about what’s going on in their lives and feeling, at least for that moment, that I was part of their lives – and that I still mattered.

But it is only too common, as the years passed the visits became fewer and fewer. Other things would come up and they couldn’t make it. The visits every other Sunday became once a month, and then became even more unpredictable as the month would pass with no visit and now I no longer even know when to expect a visit – they just come whenever they can.

In all fairness, I really don’t blame my mom and John (my stepfather of 40 years) as they are now getting old and they both have serious health problems. For many years now my stepfather has been confined to a wheelchair and it was hard for me to watch out the visiting area windows as my mom slowly pushed him the long distance from the front gate to the death row unit.

I really do understand why their visits have become fewer and fewer, and I’m grateful for even being able to still see them at all. But it still hurts that I don’t see them that much anymore. As for other family, they almost don’t come at all anymore. My oldest sister might come up with mom once or twice a year, but no other family members have visited in years. Most of my 9 brothers and sisters have actually never visited at all, not even once in 26 years.

Like so many others in prison – maybe each in their own way, all prisoners - holidays and birthdays take on a different meaning as its not so much a celebration but its how we gauge our ever fading contact with the real world outside. The reality of it is that family and friends do inevitably drift away, it is a slow but certain erosion and one day you wake up realizing that you’re no longer a part of their lives and the reality of that loss does brings you down.

Of all the men I’ve known here, there were very few (not more than 10) who have been here more than 5 years and still get regular visits from family. That’s all part of being condemned to death - we are condemned to slowly die one day at the time for years, even decades at a time, and all that we know and love in that world out there just slowly fades away from our lives until all that we know and love is gone and lost forever. Both family and even the closest of friends become only a faded memory, but try as we might they are never forgotten as those memories are all that we have to hold on to.

My fate is not my own, but a fate only too common among the condemned. Even if not at first, in time as the years slowly pass, we each become a forgotten soul. As the family and friends we once knew drift away we desperately try to form new friendships and even more serious relationships with new people who come into our lives. But it is the State’s cruel intent that we shall be isolated and forgotten. They know that family and friends do inevitably drift away and our only hope to stay in touch with that outside world is to form new friends, who might become our new family. A few years ago the prison system here in Florida insidiously created a new rule – the only one like it in the country –that prohibits Florida’s death row prisoners from “soliciting pen pals” or new friends.

For as long as I can remember prisoners would always place “personal ads” in publications asking people to write them a letter. But now its no longer allowed. After this hate-induced draconian rule was passed the prison system began targeting any death row prisoner who dared to violate this rule. Prison employees would actually scan the internet and newspapers to search for prisoner personal ads, then subject them to severe disciplinary sanctions – at least a month in punitive lock-up and loss of all privileges, and up to 6 months of “no mail” restriction.

I have no doubt that the purpose and intent if this insidious rule was to deliberately isolate death row prisoners from the outside world. Family and friends kept the condemned prisoner’s hope alive and with hope we find the strength to survive. They want to kill us and by taking away that source of hope they know our will to live will fade away just as family and friends do..

In the years since this rule prohibiting “solicitation” of new friends took effect, the intended consequences are only too clear. Most death row prisoners are now far more isolated and alone, a great number never getting any mail at all. They are forgotten and their hope and their will to live fades away ever so slowly like the dying flame of a burnt out candle. Then one day they wake up to the reality that the light is gone completely. Although physically still alive, inside they have already died.

The truth is that I’m one of the lucky ones as I still have a small network of friends who diligently work to keep my hope alive. Most are overseas so they cannot visit often even though I have no doubt they would come more often if only they could.

Still today I spent my birthday in my cage, alone. As coincidence would have it, my birthday only falls on Sunday (my designated visiting day) about once every 10 years. And today was the day it fell on a Sunday. Although I know only too well not to get my expectations up, today I did hope for a visit, and it does weighs heavily upon me that no one came to visit and no one of my family even sent a card.

Still I have to wonder how other lost souls around me must feel when their birthday comes around, as they know they have long been forgotten by both family and friends. Is it any easier for those among the ranks of the condemned when they don’t have any expectations? Perhaps by accepting that nobody cares you are not so disappointed when holidays and birthdays pass without even a card. I don’t know. But I know how I feel today – alone and abandoned. And I hope that by sharing this with those that that might read this perhaps those that have a friend on death row will reflect upon how much it pains each of us when we don’t even get a simple card that reminds us that we are not forgotten – that even in a world seemingly intent to kill us, someone still has the compassion to care.

Today I wish myself a Happy Birthday. And hope that, one way or another, this is my last birthday in this man-made hell as on days like this I truly do wonder if perhaps living is itself a fate worse than death.

Innocent and Executed - Please Read